There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
