I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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