Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
