also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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