I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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