Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
