he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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