I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
