Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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