Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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