just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
