well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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