I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize