And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
