I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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