its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
