i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
