It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
