And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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