after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize