you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize