i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
