i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
