Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize