WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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