if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
