apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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