look no pants
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
