I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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