i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this will be a night to untag.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
