I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
