Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
