You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
