I am in a vortex of obligation.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
