i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
