we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
