you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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