i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
