so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
