I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
