dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
