even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
