Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
