Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
