im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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