I cockslap morals
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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