I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
