Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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