Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
