Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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