If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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