community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
