I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
