I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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