Define "chronic" masturbator.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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