Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
