i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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