You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
