Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
