I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
