I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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